Human Pacifier

by Rachel on February 1, 2010

We have almost completely phased out my son’s pacifier. I say almost because my husband uses it as a crutch and it is for him more than it is for Connor. He complains that I have the “real thing” and it’s not fair that he has nothing to soothe him with. I keep telling him, Connor really doesn’t need it and does fine when I put him to bed without it, or let him sleep-in without it.

Now, getting to my point, as of lately I feel like I have become a human pacifier. Connor doesn’t rely on me much for his main source of food anymore, but he does use me for comfort. He has had a little cold lately and therefore is extra “needy.” When he nurses, he can be done in what seems like less than a minute, but lately he’s been nursing for what seems like an eternity.

I know I don’t make that much milk anymore, so after a few minutes he’s completely drained me and is using me for pure comfort. Some days he falls asleep nursing and I’m stuck, I can’t get away without him waking and wanting more.

I guess on one hand I know he can do without the pacifier, but I don’t know if he can do without me! While I have no plans to ween him, I often wonder how he would do if we were to go away for a few days. He still wakes in the middle of the night to nurse 2-3 times and will nurse 2-3 times throughout the day. I have confidence that nutritionally he’d be okay without nursing for a day or so, but I have no idea how he’d make it through the night. At times I feel if he is distracted enough and I’m not around, he doesn’t even notice, but I think night time would be tough.

Curious, I will remain, because as I said I have no plans to ween him and no plans to leave him overnight. It is just something that crossed my mind, am I a human pacifier, or does my 14 month old really need me to nurse him 6 times/day?

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Article by Rachel McFadden

Before motherhood I had an appreciation for our planet, but once I knew that I was bringing a new life into the world suddenly my urge to live a greener life was much greater. I knew that I must do my part to help create a beautiful place for my future generations to live. I take steps each day to reduce my carbon footprint. This blog is dedicated to documenting the changes I make in order to help others do the same.

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  • Laura C

    If he’s anything like my daughter he will stop being so needy pretty soon and you will be back to marveling at how quickly he is growing up. :) My daughter just got her first tooth and hit a major growth spurt AND started wolfing down solids where previously she had eaten only tiny amounts of applesauce, so she has also been nursing a ton at night and has been quite needy. I started to wonder if I was encouraging the nighttime feedings too much, but then realized when the tooth popped out (finally!) and the clothes stopped fitting that it’s just another round of regression she always goes through before a big milestone. Hang in there and trust your instincts. You will know what to do.

  • http://www.autumncanter.com Autumn Canter

    That was totally River at that age and for quite a bit longer. I only just night weened him a few weeks ago and only a mere month after completely taking away his pacifier! Once they have more language, I think weening becomes easier. I just explained to River about his pacifier and his “nursies”. I told him, “This is the last time you will nurse until the sun comes up and there is light outside, okay?” He agreed. If he wakes up at night asking for it, I remind him that there is no sunshine yet and would be like water? If he does not want a drink I say, “cuddle with me. Hold my hands” and that soothes him back to sleep. We nurse 2-3 times a day (before sleep, before nap, when he wakes up in the morning) Yesterday he skipped before bed and I had a lot more milk come morning. I felt like I had to actively night ween because pregnancy has made me so tired I need a better night’s sleep and I know my milk will change soon anyway so I might as well begin breaking the habit of nursing so much.

    I agree a lot of it is comfort. There was a family battle of sorts while I was in New York with much tears and some yelling. River asked to nursie right then and there and nursed gently for a long time at a time he never nurses normally. It soothed both of us.

    I believe weening is a compromise between mom and baby. You do what you need to, when you feel you need to. You take his cues. Cue led everything seems to work much better all around for us. When you start getting tired of something, I think it is usually a natural sign that things are ready to change. I am always amazed by how effortless these changes have been when River and I have both gotten to a place when we are ready. We have to teach our children that it is okay for things to change and you never know if the time is right unless you try! :)

    • http://www.greenbabiesblog.org Rachel McFadden

      I have no problem continuing to nurse it is just hard to understand if he needs it or its just comfort. I still pump when I’m away from him at work, but I wonder how long that will go on.

      On the days when we are together all day sometimes it seems he needs/wants to nurse all the time. When he’s with his grandmothers he is basically down to one 3-4 oz. bottle during the whole 8-9 hours I’m away, even though I send two bottles with him!

  • http://www.mamadweeb.com Annie

    He sounds like my daughter. She didn’t wean until 2 years old and even then I had to encourage it. I wouldn’t have encouraged it as fast except my newborn wasn’t latching well and my nipples were in PAIN. But when she was 14 months old she was nursing for comfort too. Today she is 2.5 and when she cuddles she will find my breast (fully clothed and all) and lay her head on it and smile. I think the mother’s breast is an eternal source of comfort, especially when they are this young.

    Something that helped my sanity during this time (cause I know you must feel exhausted and drained) was to implement rules. I used to tell Lizzie she could only nurse when she was going night night. (nap or night time) then I would be prepared to have something to take her attention when she woke up so she wouldn’t immediately want to nurse again. Then as she got older I would tell her nursing was only for when the sun went to sleep.

    *hugs* you are not alone!

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